All Posts, Blended Family

Easter is coming…Extended family gatherings commence

easter And indeed there will be time

For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,

Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;

There will be time, there will be time

To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;

There will be time to murder and create,

And time for all the works and days of hands

That lift and drop a question on your plate;

Time for you and time for me,

And time yet for a hundred indecision’s,

And for a hundred visions and revisions, Before the taking of a toast and tea.

In the room the women come and go….. Talking of Michelangelo.

T.S. Elliot The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock

In our family, Easter not only brings bunnies and Bon- Bons, but begins the high season of holidays blending multiple families together. This is our second year trying to bring the families together so the girls can enjoy the holidays with as many loved ones as possible. We are slowly cultivating a family tribe to raise the girls. This comes with many challenges as well as wonderful wins.

The key is authenticity. So many of us put on a mask or create invisible boundaries when associating with certain people. The combination of restraint, masks, and preconceived ideas of how to behave does not create an open loving atmosphere. Children can feel those invisible barriers and it can lead to more confusion.

When it comes to any successful holiday gathering, the keys to success are:

  1. Remove the masks and be true to who you are.
  2. Communicate your needs and what’s important for you.
  3. Set your comfort boundaries and express them honestly. Hiding your feelings creates resentment and will affect the family flow.
  4. How can you compromise? What is important to hold on to and what can you let go of?
  5. Demonstrate compassion. Each of us holds different insecurities in this new family structure.

How we interact with each other teaches the girls life skills to bring forward in their own lives. It is not easy and each day is different. It is a dance and there isn’t a predetermined set of moves that will prevent you from stepping on someone else’s toes. Just do the best you can and eventually everyone will follow the rhythm.

Key words to hold on to: Authenticity, Communication, Comfort, Compromise, and Compassion. 

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