Two weeks ago, my friend sat me down, looked me in the eyes, and told me: The pain of a thousand lifetimes is not yours to carry. It’s not your job and you need to let go.
- It’s not your job to be responsible for other people’s happiness.
- It is not your job to absorb their pain and frustration.
- It is not your job to absorb other’s stress.
- It’s not your job to smile when you are sad.
- It’s not your job to pretend your needs are not important.
- It’s not your job to give everyone else the best of you, leaving nothing nourishing for yourself.
- It’s not your job to silence your voice to make others happy.
She knew last year had been hard on me. No matter how bubbly and energetic I was at our networking lunches, always ready with a hug and smile, she could see the overwhelm and sadness ooze out from every pore. Somehow, over the years, I had just gotten used recognizing people’s pain and absorbing it as I tried to make things better. I had even given myself the nickname: The Fixer. If someone was upset, I would find a way to fix it. If someone may be unhappy, I would find a way to make sure that didn’t happen. It is a gift and a curse for me to be able to keep everyone happy and maintain the status quo. I am very good at it: smiling, engaging, and pushing my own feelings so far down into oblivion so no one would know. I was very good at making sure everyone else felt good about themselves and didn’t really know how to apply that to myself.
She came to help me shift those emotions by using an acupressure technique called Tapping. Connecting with the emotions, I would tap in the negative, following up with the phrase: but I love and accept myself. This acupressure technique works with the body’s meridians, clearing them and allowing for the emotional release.
It’s been an interesting process to clear out the emotional sewage that had been backing up in my system. It has allowed me to emotionally detach from certain situations from my past and release the hold (the guilt) that it had on me. I was, essentially, beginning the process to de-program myself. Years of accumulated behavioral patterns to please are so ingrained in me that it is very hard to practice articulating my needs or verbalize when my needs are not being met. I feel selfish for standing up for myself when I feel I am disregarding another’s feelings. It is so alien, yet so necessary for me to be strong in who I am.
I have been a good girl and have been doing my “tapping” assignment for the past 2 weeks and I can feel a difference. My head feels lighter, if that’s possible. I don’t feel the emotional responsibility for other’s happiness that I once did. It’s both emancipating and frightening at the same time. Emancipating because I don’t feel as clogged up or heavy, but frightening because I don’t want to turn into them..you know, those who sucking me dry for their own wellbeing.
I know I have a long way to go, but it’s a step in the right direction. I do not need to engage in other’s emotional drama anymore because it no longer serves my needs.
I wish I had known about this “tapping” thing earlier. Not only is it easy to do, but the emotional shifts happen fast. If you are looking for something to help you clear out the baggage you are carrying around with you, I encourage you to try this first! Let me know how it works out for you-I’m Curious!