I spent some time walking along the waters edge today, feeling the sand squish between my toes and pull away with the tide. Connecting with the ocean, however brief it may be, always has me curling up inside like a snail in her shell, wanting to be alone and quiet.
I am always scanning the beach for treasures as I walk..broken bits of shells roll over my feet..purple, blue, and orange…each small wave is a give and take of beautiful moments.
Broken pieces of beauty tumbled in the ocean, catching their breath with each wave, kind of like being a single parent. There is something mesmerizing about how the soft waves gather the shore and tumble it, sometimes softly..sometimes powerfully. The shells are pulled by the undertow, softened and polished little by little in the struggle.
I see newly broken shells, bits and pieces, and then there are the jewels. They sparkle and shine from constantly being battered against the shore. Here in RI, we call them Jingle shells. They make the sweetest tinkling sound when they are all together. Their true beauty revealed after a long struggle.
Kind of like being a single parent.
I have read so many comments on various blogs by single moms and there is still so much judgment put on people who choose to leave and find a better way. If we find happiness, we are negating the struggle. If we talk about love, we are being selfish. Damn, if we put happiness and love together in the same blog, we are glorifying the dissolution of marriage and the joys of being single again.
Being a single parent is lots of things: hard, challenging, empowering, overwhelming. We live life in extremes from the highs of happiness to the lows we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemies. There is no glory in being a single parent.
We chose to leave our marriages because it was dysfunctional and hurtful. We wanted a better life for ourselves and our children. If we have found a bit of happiness and even learned to believe in love again, please don’t begrudge us.
We may stumble in our efforts to create a new life. We may tumble and get caught in the undertow of schedules, school, work, and love. We are all a little bit broken, catching our breath before the next wave of expectations hits us, but in the end we will finally find our place on the sand, under the sun, blazing our true colors, softly singing in the wind.