I took some time the other day to go get my cards read and just see what I couldn’t see. I treated myself to an hour to really allow the reader to dive deep and help me get clear. Well, we went way past the hour, but the end was the kicker..
Your karmic purpose to spread love, to make others feel loved and valued, but can you do that for yourself? You are so good at helping others see the light & love inside them, but can you tell yourself that? If you were to sit down and write a love letter to yourself, what would you say and could you truly believe it?
Crap, seriously? UGH! Having someone in front of you, asking you to speak to yourself as you would others with the most honest and authentic gaze just made my eyes leak, profusly. Now, I can tick off on my fingers my qualities from an objective stance in a solid, secure way: I am kind, silly, caring, fun, pragmatic, works hard, risk taker..and the list can go on and on. However, to sit down and write it out as a letter to myself suddenly makes it personal. How come it is so hard to speak to ourselves in the same loving way as we would others?
Why is our truth so hard to believe? Why is it so hard to look ourselves in the mirror and tell ourselves: I love you. Where is the disconnect between being able to outwardly be able to tell other our strengths and attributes and turning inward, saying those same things?
Ok, I did it. I sat there..staring at the paper, feeling like a school kid not wanting to do her homework because it twisted up my stomach in knots. I would start, get up to get tea, sit again, then up to pace the room ..you get the picture. It was not a quick and easy process.
Finally done and then those god-d*mn voices in my head whisper: record it on your phone and listen to it everyday. Seriously??!! Now I have to do that too? Listen to it? How am I going to get through it without that eye leaking business again?
It makes sense. We beleive what our mind tells us and those become our belief structures. Sometimes we need a bit of re-wiring and re-programming. We have brainwashed ourselves to believe that this is selfish and arrogant to speak to our inner self in a loving way. In a nutshell, we need to un-f&@k our thinking.
When you can listen without leaking, then your new synapses are commingling and creating a new world view: Choose yourself first before you can choose to love others. Always choose you, because you are worth it.