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Quiet Questions

I dreamed once, long ago, of a love so strong that it permeated my whole being. It radiated up out of the dream and entered my reality when we met. Silhouetted against the sun, I saw him, arms out stretched, welcoming me, filling me with acceptance and peace.

It’s been six years since I had that dream… I can still feel its warmth on the eve of our 5 year anniversary. It’s very quiet in the house as I sit, alone, at the computer, my cat as my companion.

Love is a roller-coaster not for the faint at heart. It pushes you, pulls you, challenges all that you are and who you want to be. There are times when you climb together balanced out with the free fall into the unknown..will this ride derail and send me flying? Is it safe?

Love is never safe because when you open up to be vulnerable, there is room for discomfort and pain. That is where the deeper relationships take root. Each time you free fall and find your footing, you root, anchor and grow, not only within yourself, but between each other.

There have been many times over the past few years, I was conviced our ride would crash and burn because surrounding life elements just made it So. Damn. Hard…then it straightened out and we were able to connect with the rhythm again.

Each of these moments pushed me ever more out of my comfort zone into my greatness. I have learned so much about communication, love, appreciation, hurt, and disappointment. Once resolved, I come back with more awareness of who I am and who I want to be. I needed the discomfort. I am grateful for the discord because I was able to learn the lessons about myself that I would not have faced if life had been easy.

We are free falling tonight and I am not sure how it will land.  Quietly, questions roll through about how to adjust and shift. Still holding onto the dream and feeling the warmth, I release the need to know and accept what is. There is a peaceful acceptance in knowing that however life unfolds, all will be ok. At the moment, I am at a loss as to what else I need to do..Maybe I just need to hold space and let whatever needs to come in to have the room to breathe. Will that be clarity? Understanding? Love? or will this be the release?

I sat for awhile out under the stars and let go. I breathed into every possibility and allowed each to have a landing place to be accepted with love. And so it is … may tomorrow bring peace, love, and contentment. Happy Anniversary…

Can you relate? Tell me how!